Quest for the Lost Pants
by Acri
Summary: Gippal's pants have been stolen... by the mysterious Pants Ninja! And he must get them back. Who exactly is controlling this "Pants Ninja"? And what do they want with Gippal's pants?
1. The Incident

(A/N: Okay, don't get mad you guys, this is a self insert, but it is not a romance fic! I swear! I only own well, Acri since Acri is me and I own myself... I think... And the only reason I made this a self insert is because I personally wanted to go on the quest with Gippal. I know it sounds stupid, but that's just the way I wanted it. So um... Don't be hatin'! hehe... god, I'm gonna get flamed for that remark...)  
  
Quest for the Lost Pants  
  
Chapter One  
The Incident  
  
It was a usual day at Djose Temple, Gippal and his digging buddy Acri had just returned from the desert. As they sat in one of the back rooms, Acri kept staring at a picture that was slightly crooked. "Don't do it," Gippal said, taking off his boots and dumping out a small heap of sand to the floor.  
  
"Fine, fine," mumbled Acri. She stood from her chair and stretched a bit. She had her long dark brown hair tied back into a low pony-tail. She wore dark brown boots, khaki pants and an olive green sleeveless shirt. Tied around her waist was a long white scarf. When Gippal asked why she wore it, she replied, "Cause I like the way it billows when the wind blows." The Al Bhed just shook his head as his response. Acri was just a bit pudgy, not really fat, and not supermodel skinny, but just a slightly pudgy person nonetheless.  
  
When Gippal left the back room to see how work on the machina was coming, Acri jumped to her feet and went to straighten the picture frame. When the blonde walked back in, he glared angrily at her. She was once again back in her chair as if nothing had happened. "You sneaky rat," he grumbled.  
  
"What? I didn't do anything!" Acri replied innocently, her hands in her lap.  
  
"You touched the picture, I know you did," said Gippal as he went back over to the frame and tilted it just a bit to put it back the way it was.  
  
In rejoinder, Acri twitched a few times. Sighing, knowing she'd been defeated by Gippal once again, she gave up the battle for the frame and stood back up from the chair. "Hey Gip-Gip, are you buying lunch today?"  
  
Turning to look at his friend, he raised his eyebrow and said, "No," his voice slightly higher than normal. He crossed his arms and said, his voice normal again, "You're the one who got paid, you buy lunch."  
  
"I need a raise," she replied. This was the normal things that happened. Gippal dug because he wanted to, Acri dug because she got paid, and that was the gist of it.  
  
"Oui'na rubamacc!" Gippal shouted in his language, throwing his hands in the air in the process.  
  
"What did you call me?" Acri growled, taking offense quickly.  
  
Sighing heavily, Gippal replied, "I just said you were hopeless." Slapping his right hand on her shoulder, he said, "I'll pay this time, sunuh." (..., moron.") And stepping behind her, his hands on her shoulders, he pushed her out of the room.  
  
As soon as they stepped out of the room one of the workers looked over to them and laughed, "Tet oui ryja vih eh drana oui dfu?" ("Did you have fun in there you two?")  
  
In quick retaliation, Acri snapped, "Fedr dryd kio, oui'na gettehk sa, nekrd? E fuimt hajan!" ("With that guy, you're kidding me, right? I would never!") She then walked away from Gippal.  
  
Quickly the one eyed Al Bhed ran up to her and stopped her. "Hold on, hold on! When did you learn to speak Al Bhed?" he inquired.  
  
"I picked up some from you," she replied, "but not enough for a normal conversation." Then she changed the subject. "You're buying lunch, right?"  
  
"Oayr, oayr... frydajan," ("Yeah, yeah... whatever,") he grumbled and waved his hand slightly.  
  
Clenching her fists, Acri stomped on his foot and shouted, "Remember, I don't fluently speak Al Bhed!"  
  
"All right, all right!" Gippal said, hopping around, holding his right foot.  
  
Trudging past him, Acri felt a slight wind go by the left side of her face and she stopped in her tracks. "Gippy," she said, the surrounding men laughed at her pet name for their leader. "Hey, Gip-Gip..." She turned around and her eyes became wide as she stared at Gippal.  
  
Turning to look at Acri, Gippal said to her, "Do you feel a slight draft?" He looked down and then realized his pants were missing.  
  
"Ah hahaha!" came a strange evil sounding laugh. Everyone, besides the petrified Acri, turned to the large doors of Djose Temple. Standing there was a black-wearing ninja holding Gippal's pants. The ninja twisted in his place and ran out the door, his movement was quite hurried.  
  
"PANTS NINJA!" Gippal shouted and pointed in the direction of the culprit, he then ran after it, but as he got outside, the ninja was nowhere in sight. Now, standing in the open, people scattered around him, looking at him strangely, he remembered that he was only in his underwear. He inched backward into the temple and shut the door.  
  
Meanwhile, Acri was still staring in the place that the Al Bhed leader had previously been standing in. Gippal walked over to her and whispered in her right ear, "Too sexy, huh?"  
  
Acri jumped forward and spun about to look at him. "That wasn't the reason of my being traumatized!" She shouted and then pointed to his boxers. "They're black with little orange foxes on them! How cute!"  
  
Gippal's mouth fell slightly ajar and he blushed just a tad. Then his face became stern. "I need to get my pants back!" he said. The other Al Bhed were trying not to laugh, but listened to Gippal with half respect. "It's the only good pair I have left! And we need to get them back from the Pants Ninja!"  
  
"The foxes!" Acri laughed and fell to the floor. With her outburst, the other Al Bhed cracked up laughing. Sitting up Acri crawled over to Gippal and looked closely at his boxers. "One's a begging foxy, and one's a foxy chasing an apple! So adorable! And another's a bouncing foxy!" She laughed. Gippal was staring at her like she was crazy. She then circled around behind him and shouted, "Gipmeister! There's a sleeping foxy on your butt!"  
  
The other Al Bhed almost died with laughter at their leader, but Gippal thought he could've died of embarrassment. Becoming serious all of a sudden, Acri got to her feet and walked back in front of him. "So, Gip-Gip, you gonna chase the Pants Ninja now?" she said, a teasing quality in her voice.  
  
Clenching his teeth and glaring at Acri, Gippal growled, "Yeah, and you're coming with me!" He grabbed her by the neckline of her shirt and practically dragged her out of the temple. Acri just waved to the other Al Bhed as she was pulled away.  
  
"Nice legs, Gippal," Acri said joyfully as she was dragging on the ground behind the Al Bhed male.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
(A/N: Alright, that's the first chapter of this story... I'll update as soon as I have the second chapter. Promise!  
  
Gippal: What was with the pet names? Hey! Don't run away when I'm talking to you! HEY! HOLD ON! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE MY PANTS? Get back here!) 


	2. The Recruit

(A/N: I very much enjoy this story, for once, I don't have to be so serious about anything in here! YAY! Enjoy the story!)  
  
Chapter Two  
The Recruit  
  
Half the way down the path to the Moonflow, Gippal dragged Acri, making sure to go over many sharp stones during the process. When he stopped, finally allowing her to get to her feet, he said, "Do you really think I'll find them again?" His eyes seemed to be searching to path before him for some kind of answer.  
  
Looking in the direction that Gippal was staring, Acri muttered, "Forty- two." His head turned rapidly and he gave her a bewildered look. Turning her head to look at her Al Bhed friend, Acri replied, "It's the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything." His expression changed to where it seemed like he was telling her she was stupid so she replied, "What? Don't you read? Oh wait; you're a dolt, never mind." She then crossed her arms and continued walking down the path.  
  
Sighing heavily, Gippal followed her. She was full of so much useless information; yet Gippal thought it was funny sometimes. The Al Bhed popped his neck and whispered, "Forty-two."  
  
"Don't worry Gippal, we'll find your pants," Acri muttered and continued on.  
  
Upon turning the bend, Gippal stopped walking and his female digging friend turned to look at him. "Nooj?" Gippal whispered.  
  
"What the hell's a 'Nooj'?" Acri said rudely. She wasn't standing that far in front of him. Turning back around, she saw the long haired man sitting on the edge of the Moonflow, watching the water. He was a good distance from them, which was good since Acri inched back to whisper to Gippal, "Is that a man with long hair like that? Or is it a very flat woman?"  
  
"A very flat woman," the Al Bhed softly replied, his voice a showing a bit of sarcasm.  
  
Punching him lightly on the arm, Acri growled, "Sheesh, you're so mean. You're trying to get me to embarrass myself, aren't you?" The blonde nodded and continued walking, heading towards the red-wearing man. Following, like a lost puppy, was the brunette girl.  
  
Walking up next to the leader of the Youth League, Gippal looked over the Moonflow and said, "So what are you doing here?"  
  
"Can't you see, Gip-Gip?" Acri muttered. "He's out for a limp." Nooj turned his head to glare at her. "I mean walk!" she added in quickly. Gippal couldn't help but laugh just a bit at that.  
  
Getting to his feet, the brunette man said, "Well, actually, I was out for a walk." His eyes shifted to Acri and he seemed to be motioning her to go somewhere. The girl followed his indication and went behind Gippal where she knelt down. "So," Nooj said, "What are you doing out here?" He hadn't even noticed the Al Bhed's predicament.  
  
Sighing, a bit embarrassed, the blonde said, "Got my pants stolen by some Pants Ninja."  
  
"Pants Ninja?" whispered Nooj, "I've never heard of such a thing." That was when he noticed the fox boxers. "What on Spira are you wearing?" he said, a sound of confusion and hidden laughter in his voice.  
  
"My underpants," replied Gippal, his voice dull.  
  
Shrugging, Nooj said, "I go commando."  
  
At that exact moment, Acri thought to herself, 'I can tell,' and tried not to gag.  
  
"This is why this story is not about you!" Gippal said, his voice merry but a bit stern.  
  
After seeing the look of distaste on Acri's face and the startled and sickened expression on Gippal's, Nooj laughed and said, "Do you need help on your quest?"  
  
In her own silent answer to Nooj, the knelt down girl shook her head, her eyes narrowed and her teeth clenched. She then mouthed the words, 'No help from you.'  
  
Gippal shrugged, "Sure, why not. Maybe we'll find my pants faster." He then turned to walk away and tripped over Acri. Rolling over onto his back, the blonde growled, "What the hell?"  
  
Standing up, Acri replied, "I was tying my shoe."  
  
Getting to his feet as well, Gippal snarled, "You're wearing boots, they have no laces!"  
  
Rubbing the back of her head nervously while she laughed, Acri said, "Yeah, I noticed that after I bent down."  
  
"You're ridiculous," Gippal mumbled.  
  
"Thank you," replied the girl, bowing in a sarcastic manner.  
  
Slowly walking past Acri, Nooj patted her on the head and whispered, "That settles it, you're my new patsy."  
  
Following Nooj, Acri shouted, "Hey! I'm nobody's patsy!" Nooj tossed her a few gil. Catching the money, the girl then said, a broad smile on her face, "Power to the patsy!" and followed him like an energetic dog would to its master.  
  
Gippal slapped his forehead and followed the two in disappointment. "This is what I get for recruiting Nooj," he sighed.  
  
Turning her head to see her Al Bhed friend, Acri said, "I don't think that," she smirked and continued, "recruiting a flat-chested woman was that bad."  
  
The two diggers laughed and Nooj just looked at them funny, not even having the slightest clue of what they were talking about.  
  
As they walked alongside the Moonflow, they asked every person they passed if they had seen a black clothed ninja. No one had given any hints, for no one had ever seen a thing such as a ninja, nonetheless, a Pants Ninja. Arriving at the shoopuf station, Acri's mouth fell open and she stared in awe at the large creature, having never seen one. Gippal and Nooj on the other hand, had other things to joke about.  
  
"Hey Nooj," said the blonde. The man with the cane turned to look at his acquaintance. Adding a pelvic thrust to his words, Gippal said, "Ya think Baralai would 'rideth the shoopuf'?"  
  
Spinning around, Acri shouted, "Gippal!" He just looked to her, his face showing extreme innocence. Talking through clenched teeth, she grumbled, "Do not speak about the praetor of New Yevon like that."  
  
The two men stared at her and busted out laughing. When he had recovered from his fit of hilarity, Nooj said to the girl, "What is with you?"  
  
Clapping his hands together and chortling just a bit, Gippal nudged the brunette man in the side and said, "I think she's got feelings for Baralai."  
  
Gritting her teeth together, Acri clenched her fists and sprang upon Gippal, he just laughed as he was taken to the ground. He brought his arm up to keep her from hitting him in the face and she bit down on his arm and refused to let go. Travelers to the Moonflow just stared in utter confusion at the two, as Nooj just continued to laugh.  
  
When Acri finally let go, she quickly got to her feet and dusted herself off. "Alright Gippy," she growled, "Say it again, I dare you."  
  
Gippal opened his mouth and Acri looked as if she were going to bound at him again, so he quickly shut his mouth and got back up on his feet. Wiping her saliva off of his arm, Gippal asked, "So, Acri, have you ever met the praetor?"  
  
"Um, no," she replied. Acri knew Gippal had met the praetor, he use to tell her stories about what happened; until that is he couldn't remember much more.  
  
Walking up to the girl, he patted her on the head and muttered, "That'll do pig, that'll do." He then went up to the Hypello and began speaking with him.  
  
Simultaneously, Nooj and Acri looked to Gippal, clueless expressions on their faces; they then turned their heads to look at each other. Once again at the same time, they sighed, hung their heads low for a second, looked up, shrugged and followed Gippal.  
  
The Hypello that the Al Bhed was speaking with had seen this and said to Gippal, "Scareth theh shoopuf, yesh?"  
  
Glancing over at the patsy and her limping 'owner', the blonde said, "I hope not."  
  
"Rideth theh shoopuf?"  
  
"Actually," said Gippal, "Have you ever heard of something called a Pants Ninja."  
  
"Yesh," replied the blue creature. "Live in a cave in theh Calm Landsh."  
  
"Is there more than one Pants Ninja?" Gippal asked curiously.  
  
The Hypello nodded and then asked, "Rideth theh shoopuf?"  
  
Sighing, Gippal said, "Yeah, sure, whatever."  
  
From there, Gippal and Acri boarded the shoopuf with their new recruit, the man who goes commando, Nooj.  
  
(A/N: There we go! Well, I have more work to do! Adios! And if you have time, don't forget to review!) 


	3. I Dare You

**(A/N: Hello again! Sorry, I've been busy with school and stuff. It's been really hectic over here for the past few months, but I'm getting used to it. Well, here you go! Please don't kill me! )**

**Chapter Three**

**I Dare You**

Reaching the other side of the Moonflow, the three adventurers headed to Guadosalam. To avoid any staring eyes, they crept along the sides of the entrance until they got just inside and reached the path that led down to the Thunder Plains. "Ready to run?" Acri asked the two, as she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet as they prepared to head out.

"Can't we get something to eat first?" Nooj complained, "I'm really hungry.""The sooner we get to Bevelle," said Gippal, rubbing his hands together, "then the sooner we can hit Baralai up for some food and a place to stay.""Gippal!" shouted Acri. "You can't do that to the praetor!"The two Crimson Squad members glanced to each other and busted out laughing. "You can do it to anyone. You'll learn, Acri," said Gippal."Remind me to stab you," she growled angrily in response.They stood there for a few minutes, watching the lightning out on the plains, then Nooj looked to them and said, "Who goes first?""Well," muttered Acri, "We have three choices." She then lifted her hand and proceeded to count them off as she said, "First there's Foxy; then there's Mr. Lightning Rod; and of course, there's moi, Ms. Beautiful!"The two males glanced at each other with unenthusiastic expressions and quietly stepped behind the female digger. "So long, guinea pig," muttered Nooj and simultaneously the two men shoved the girl out onto the plains.Acri took off running, stopping only when she reached the first lightning tower. "I dare you to run your half metal butt over here, Noojie!" shouted Acri, sticking out her tongue and making rude gestures.Nooj blinked a few times, took a glance at Gippal and then slowly walked over to the tower, not getting struck once. The brunette female stared at him, her mouth slightly agape. "Was it hard for you?" Nooj asked smugly. Acri socked him in the arm, Nooj laughed, and then the Al Bhed made his way over, dodging lightning and coming to a stop next to them."Ymsucd kud red drana," Gippal laughed. The female digger blinked a few times and then the blonde added, "I said, almost got hit there.""Oh," Acri replied simply, shrugging and then easing her way around the tower. Crouching down, she faced another tower and then took off running towards it. Just before she got there, lightning struck the ground just before her; she jumped up but landed upside down, leaned against the lightning tower.Gippal laughed. "Excellent work, Acri!" he said.She flipped herself upright and sat at the base of the large structure. "Come on!" she shouted to them.At the same time, the two Crimson Squad members rushed across the terrain to where the female digger sat. "We're really going to go all the way across the Plains by hiding under towers?" questioned Nooj, "Where's the fun in that?""Look, you may want to die," said the blonde, "but not in front of the kid.""Kid?" questioned the two brunettes at the same time. Acri then got to her feet and growled, "You're the kid, Gippy!"Snorting with laughter, the blonde said, "I'm the kid? Heh, look who's giving people kiddy nick names."Acri blushed and looked down at the ground. Shuffling her feet for a few moments, she then looked up into the sky and took off running to another tower. Nooj glanced to Gippal and said, his voice holding a bit of laughter, "I think you insulted my patsy.""She'll get over it," said Gippal, glancing to the sky and then heading to the next tower. As soon as he got there, Acri moved to the next, not wanting to talk with him.By the time Gippal and Nooj reached the Travel Agency, Acri was already inside. She had gotten them rooms for the night and had already headed off to bed. "Does this happen often?" Nooj asked, heading to his room."Yeah," muttered Gippal. "It actually does happen often."Entering his room, the Al Bhed stretched and flopped face down onto his bed. The lady at the front counter had given him quite a funny look when he had entered, with Nooj, not wearing any pants. Soon, Gippal was asleep, dreaming of digging, pretty girls, and of the time when he would join in harmony with his pants.While the blonde slept, Nooj went to talk with Acri. Knocking on the door, he entered, and said, "He pissed you off, didn't he?"Staring out the window, Acri replied, "There are two things I hate, the first is being called a kid," she yawned and then added, "and the second is being given a dare... I can't seem to turn them down.""I wonder," Nooj murmured. He then said, "I dare you to act the complete opposite of how you do now."Still staring out the window, the female digger said, "Make that three things I hate... you included." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Fine," she said, agreeing to the dare.When morning came, Gippal exited his room, his hair parted on the side and sleeked back. After yawning, he flipped his head forward, his golden locks standing on end in their usual places. Now that his hair was fixed, he entered the main room of the agency to see Nooj and Acri talking. His digging friend looked tired, not the usual bouncy person she usually was. "Good morning," he said, walking over to the two. "Ready to head out again."She shrugged. "Sure."Gippal blinked a few times before he said, "Did you fall and hit your head?""No," she said.Rubbing his shoulder, Gippal glared at Nooj, "You dared her, didn't you?" he said. Nooj laughed and Gippal sighed. "Acri, you're going to really get sick of being monotonous and such," he said, looking to the brunette woman. "You're going to crack when you meet the praetor... you'll turn into an average fan girl or something.""Fan girl?" Acri questioned and then said, "I am not a fan girl."Clearing his throat, Gippal made his voice sound womanish and squeaky and then clasped his hands together as he said, "Oh Baralai! Can I have your children?""You're cruisin' for a bruisin'," said the female digger, a smug, clenched-tooth smirk on her face."Hit me," said Gippal, "I dare you."She stretched, putting her hands behind her head and exiting the door as she said, "Don't worry, I'll get you... in your sleep, with a brick."Looking to Nooj, the two laughed and Nooj said, "She's already broken from my dare. So she's probably still mad at you from yesterday."Before Gippal replied to the leader of the Youth League, he turned to where the woman at the front counter stood and shouted, "Will you stop staring at me?" The woman giggled and sank down behind the counter. The blonde then glanced back to Nooj and said, "The whole dare thing... yeah... she was lying."Nooj blinked a few times. "I take it she's good at that?"Nodding, Gippal said, "Yeah, she's really good."The two left the Travel Agency and headed off down the tracks that were left by Acri. Getting through the Thunder Plains, Acri was sitting against one of the strange trees of the Macalania Forest. "You two are really slow," she said, yawning."Nooj's metal butt couldn't walk any faster," replied Gippal."Will you two leave my butt out of this?" Nooj said, heading down the path to Bevelle.Acri laughed and then looked to Gippal. "So he knows?""About you lying? Yeah." The blonde shrugged and said, "Well, it keeps things amusing around here.""Huh?" Gippal walked off, leaving Acri behind. "Wait a minute!" she shouted, running after him, "What the hell did you mean by that? Gippal? Hey! Gippy! Wait up!"

**(A/N: Yeah, for a while in my past, I was a compulsive liar. I don't think I lied to my friends, but I think I did it just for the fun of it... I was a very bored child. Hehe, anyway, I'm going to be working on my other stories, so I'll update maybe next weekend... Maybe...)**


End file.
